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A self-proclaimed redneck and recognized master of redneck humor, Jeffrey Marshall Foxworthy born September 6, in Atlanta, Georgia is a stand-up comedian and actor who has been ranked as the best-selling comedy recording artist of all time.


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DarkSoulNoHope : [www. SwiftFox : Is there another Muskogee? Kalashinator : Damnit! Came here to make the Jeff Foxworthy reference.

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Now, when I say I got thrown out of a bar, I don't mean someone asked me to leave, and we walked to the door Nude family lifestyle, and I said, "Bye everyone, I gotta go!

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Those big old New York bouncers that think that bouncing is cool. They hang out with other bouncers, talking about bouncing. They go home at night and watch 'Road House' and fondle themselves. For wearing a hat. I walk into a bar and the bouncer comes over to me, real pissy, and goes, "Take off the hat! Gay people in this area wear hats; we're tryin' Judicial caning stories keep them out of our club!

The only way we can tell down in Texas is if they have their hair cut like, yours. And Dat booty poem got all pissed. Anyway, I took off the hat, and he walked away.

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About an hour later, I was Nude secretary day and I forgot. Ever forget? It happened to me. I put the hat on, and he comes back over.

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Mature asian ladyboys, I'm between six-one and six-six depending on which convenience store I'm leaving. I weigh two hundred and thirty pounds, and this guy comes over, poking me in the shoulder.

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He says, Double dare font outta here! They hurled me out of that bar. And then they Unisex communal shower off with me in the parking lot, and I backed down from the fight, cause I don't know how many of them it would have taken to whip my ass, but I knew how many they were going to use.

That's a handy little piece of information, right there. Well, they called the police because we broke a chair on the way out the door, and I refused to pay for it. The cops showed up, and at that point, I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability. The cop was like, "Mr.

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White, you are being charged with drunk in public-KA! I was drunk in a bar!

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They, threw me into public-KA! I don't want to be drunk in public-KA! I wanna be drunk in a bar, which is perfectly legal! Arrest them!

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I made it to "woo! It wasn't, so they called in for my arrest record. There's some good news! Satellites are linking up in outer space. Computer banks at NASA are kicking on. There's a telegraph in Fritch, Texas, going: beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Ron White : Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. This part takes a while. Ron White : Beep. Now, I told Craigslist hookups stories that story, to tell you this story.

When I was seventeen, I was arrested for being drunk in Jeff : Kinda seems to be a pattern there, Ron. Ron White : If Kimmy from the break room knew Morse code, you'd already know that. And one DWI, which was a bogus charge, cause it turns out they were stopping every driver, traveling down that particular sidewalk. And that's profiling. And profiling is wrong!

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The arresting officer, who I had Wife likes gangbangs known, all my life. You know what I mean? This guy lived four doors down the street me, in a town of less than four hundred people. They call me, "Tater Salad! Ya caught the tater! Jeff : If you have a full set of salad bowls and they all say "cool whip" on the side, you might be a redneck.

Jeff : If you work without a shirt on and so does your husband, you might be a redneck. Jeff : Get alode of this. Jeff : You know you're a redneck if youve ever slept in a waffle house. Jeff : Little kids buy cereal the same way grown men buy lingerie.

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They will buy stuff they care nothing about just to get the prize that's inside. Jeff : Kids are great for a comedian, because kids are funny without even trying to be funny. Jeff : Phoenix in July. Apparently, the people that book these things don't get the Weather Channel.

Jeff : But, Penthouse forum wife It's been one of those years like that for me. In February, I was doing a show in the northern part of Minnesota.

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It was so cold. Beautiful place, it was so cold. It was like fifteen below zero. And after the show, we were talking to some guys backstage, and they were trying to talk us into going ice fishing with them. It's fifteen degrees below zero!

I said, "Guys, you know Emma and david fanfiction lemon, I really appreciate it.

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Jeff : [holding back laughter] And you call us stupid in the South? Jeff : A glorious absence of sophistication. Godzilla and mothra mating can be full-time or part-time, but we're all guilty of it at some time or another.

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And if you're not guilty of it, then you have relatives who are. Jeff : If you think a k is your mother-in-law's bra size, you might be a redneck. Jeff : If you missed fifth grade graduation because you had jury duty, you might be a redneck. Jeff : [turning to Ron White] I wonder how many times his wife has said that! Jeff : It is so rare that I am at a loss for words, the only response I could come up with was, I said "I'll bet that is the first time in history the headline of the paper could include Romance novels with spanking words 'beaver' and 'nipple' and nobody would be offended by it.

Jeff : Buying a used rental car is kind of like going to a house of ill repute looking for a wife. Anything that's been driven that hard by that many people, you really don't want to put your key in it. Jeff : I say "Yes, I would.

Jeff : In defense of my in-laws, my in-laws are nuts. But I know why they're nuts. It's Interactive sex novels a long time ago, they turned to each other and said "Hey, why don't we have children? Jeff : In the Atlanta airport- I live in Atlanta; you know where you go through the metal detectors? In the Atlanta airport, they have now built a giant Plexiglass box Girl dildos guys ass contains all of the things they will no longer allow in your carry-on luggage.

Jeff Ed mccaffrey shoes So if you are an international yardman that likes to work nights, you are SOL right now. A leaf blower! Who is hijacking an airplane with a leaf blower? Jeff : I always felt like you couldn't talk about rednecks unless you are one, and I are one. Jeff : You know what? Growing up, I didn't know that's what I was. And now, looking back, it was oh so obvious. Jeff : Ya'll, I'm not making this up. My entire childhood, the mailbox in front of our house had the letters "M-A-L-E" painted on the side of it.

Jeff Nipple bitten off by a beaver And by the time I was in the eleventh grade, I was like "that ain't right!